Today I cried in church. Not just like a single tear that I could quickly wipe away before anyone noticed. But a cry that bubbled up from within me that I couldn’t control.
It was the first time in a while and there was nothing special about the music or the preaching. Instead it was God’s presence that came so close to me.
I was overcome with God’s goodness. I can’t describe the way I catch my breath or how my insides begin to feel warm, but all I know is that God is so beautiful and so kind. His hand like a sword cuts through the exterior, the ego, the shields, the barricades and reaches directly to the rawness of our hearts.
Jesus sees the heart.
I don’t know how to say that in a way that sounds as profound as it was to me this morning. I don’t know how to communicate that Jesus is not weird or rude or exclusive or confusing or condescending. Jesus sees human hearts. And he loves them. He loves me. This love is not the kind of love that comes with conditions or benefits. It’s completely self-giving, for the sake and integrity of love.
Not only that, but God came to find me. No matter what accusations were thrown at him or what perceptions were given to him, he still came for me. And the presence of his goodness filled me with light and love and peace.
When I remember how I lived before I knew the goodness and kindness of God, my heart winces with painful memories of trying to prove myself or earn my worth. When I think about beautiful people who do not know God or believe that God is boring or malicious or patronizing, I’m overwhelmed with sadness.
If there is anything that I want people to know it is this: God’s love is better than anything in this life. It is worth giving everything for and receiving. If God comes to you, let him in.