Why I’m not going to text first

So I went on a little coffee date yesterday.
(We don’t know each other’s last names…so I feel safe to blog about it)

It was a great couple of hours of talking and getting to know each other but I had to end it abruptly because I was late for church. So it ended without much clarity on what to expect next. Are we going to stay in touch? Is there going to be a second date? I have no idea. He lives two hours away so that makes it a little more complicated.

But I’m kinda okay with that. Don’t get me wrong, I would absolutely go on a second/real-non-coffee date with him but I don’t need to micromanage it.

I’ve often been that girl from “He’s just not that into you” where I’m way too available and do all the work to try and keep something going. Yikes, that’s embarrassing to admit. Well, last night I decided to stop being that girl. I’ve decided that I’m not going to text first to find out what will happen next.

The words in my head and on a LOT of people’s lips that “guys need some encouragement” have gotten me into relationships and situations that I didn’t want to be in. The ones where all the initiative is on me. I don’t mind taking initiative but it can’t be only one person’s job. And it always seems to start with an innocent thought that the guy needs to know that I’m interested – so I’ll just text him…it will just say that I had a great time…or I’ll just apologize that I had to leave so quickly…or any excuse to be in control of the situation and remove all vulnerability from the process.

Back in the day, people had to WAIT for days or weeks or months for hand written letters! GASP. They had to actually sit in the uncertainty for longer than a day?! That is so foreign to our microwave culture. Today my social status or financial security isn’t dependent on a man or marriage, and yet I am just as eager to control the outcome. So even if I have the technology and ability to avoid vulnerability, I am going to embrace uncertainty and I am not going to text him.

I’ve seen and known enough men who don’t back down or run away when they like a girl. They go for it, they risk, they don’t wait for the girl to “encourage” him.

Therefore, I’m changing my ways. If he doesn’t text me, life doesn’t derail into the abyss. I’ll go on other dates and I’ll meet other people. And the God who is sustaining the universe, holds my heart.


7 thoughts on “Why I’m not going to text first

  1. Great. Yes, let him take the initiative. For many reasons, it’s great, for the guy, and for you. Thanks for being vulnerable. That’s the gold in it of itself!

  2. AMEN! I love this and your vulnerability. I too will not be the first to text because we DO know men who see what they want and go after it. Why would it be any different for us? It won’t.

  3. I can so relate to this. There’s this modern idea that women have a responsibility to let the guy know they are interested so they have the courage to pursue them but don’t we all want to be that girl he’s willing to take a risk for? I don’t think men should settle for anyone who doesn’t captivate them either. But it’s hard! Cheers to you, thanks for the encouragement Bethany! And the vulnerability.

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