Naked

I’ve been in a really vulnerable place with God lately. He is so present around me, but when those moments come where it’s just me and him – I shy away, I hide. He’s still speaking to me and leading me. I’m still talking to him and listening to him. But when he pushes a little deeper and when it starts to get really intimate – my fear or shame or whatever pulls me away.

How can I articulate how it feels to be completely bare before God? It feels like my insides are ripped open and on display, while I am using all of my effort to pull my skin back over my blood and guts so I can be seen by this perfect God. Heaven forbid that his hands get a little bloody…

Everything in me wants to receive this insane love that caused God to endure my pain and blood. All I want is to just melt into his embrace. But still, I try to keep him from seeing the real me.

Who am I fooling though? He CAN see. I’m not very good at hiding, even though I convince myself that I can cover my nakedness from him. And maybe it isn’t so much just letting him see me, but it’s the risk of hoping that he will still want to love me. Sometimes I wonder why he stays…why won’t he leave? My throat closes and tears rise to the surface when I think about this kind of love.

I find myself exhaling a sigh of relief when I realize that he is so confident, that he didn’t make a mistake, that he isn’t worried, and that I can trust him.

Last week, I was at a concert by myself. The artist sang an intimate love song and I sat still as I listened to the beautiful words. My heart could feel the longing in the lyrics…a longing not for romance, but for this radical lover of my soul. Even though this deep intimacy and nakedness before God terrifies me, I’m ready to lose everything for him to say that he is mine.

“Ready To Lose”
(Ingrid Michaelson feat. Trent Dabbs)

When you coming home?
It’s the quiet in the night
That makes my mind make noises and guessing second times
Tell me that you’re mine
Say it one more time

I’m ready to lose everything but you
I’m ready to lose everything but you
Everything
Everything

It’s the heart in you
I know it in my bones
That made me change direction when I thought better off alone
Say it one more time
Tell me you are mine

I’m ready to lose everything but you
I’m ready to lose everything but you
Everything

Tell me that you’re mine
Say it one more time
Tell me that you’re mine
Say it one more time
Tell me that you’re mine
Say it one more time
Say it one more time
Tell me that you’re mine

I’m ready to lose everything but you
I’m ready to lose everything but you
Everything
Everything

Say it one more time
Say it one more time

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4 thoughts on “Naked

  1. Thank you for your realness and rawness…I don’t just say this to be nice…you inspire me Bethany…and you inspire so many others by being real, raw, and full of your Father’s, Creator’s, Savior’s, and Lovers Life, His Holy Presence that is so alive within you…He lives in you and through you even when you don’t know it, feel it, or realize it….thank you for being you and for being your real, true, raw, naked, self…because your soul, heart, and true self is so beautiful and precious…especially within your Father’s eyes…you being you is making a difference in many lives…including mine and this world

    thank you for being you…you inspire me by the love and life of our God within you!

  2. Beautiful! Thank you for your ministry! It’s worth it! He’s worth it! You are a great ambassador! He is well pleased with you! You are the sweet smell of Jesus to your Abba! His pungent smell pours out of you like sweat from your pores!

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