When I decided to accept the 2014 dating challenge, I didn’t think much about it. I was nervous for a minute or two but then just jumped all in and got really excited. That’s me…all or nothing.
As soon as I posted the blog about it, one of my close friends texted me, “You are so brave!”
I wondered…What exactly did I get myself into that people think I’m so brave? Is it really that scary?
Then it hit me. This is terrifying! Putting yourself out there, risking rejection, facing fears, coming up against insecurity, getting vulnerable…why am I doing this again?
I soon realized that by taking on this challenge, I am taking on some of the biggest demons and darkest thoughts in my life. Part of me was intimidated and has often wanted to throw in the towel, but another part of me has continually risen to the occasion. That part of me wants to see my life free from such darkness that would constantly try to steal my joy. It wants to battle and war for freedom!
Last month, that same friend (without remembering her previous exhortation) told me again…“You are so brave!”
This time I didn’t feel so brave. In fact, I felt incredibly powerless and weak. I sat wondering, “what does it even mean to be brave?” Is it always doing what is painful for a more fruitful outcome? hoping? believing? …choosing to trust an unseen sovereign God? And I think that’s exactly what it means…but it’s nothing that I can conjure up on my own.
For hours, I cried and prayed for mercy as I listened to Bethel’s new song/album “You Make Me Brave” on repeat. I felt like I couldn’t even climb into God’s lap, but I needed him to come all the way down to me and pick me up. And he did.
When I couldn’t see it, believe it or feel it, he was leading me further away from the shore and deeper into unknown waters. My soul can’t understand it and often resists, but my spirit gave into him.
It really is only God who makes me brave.
“You make my footsteps and paths secure so walking on water is just the beginning. Cause my face to arise, stand at attention. For you are calling me to greater things.”