Out of Control

Can I be real?

My life feels completely out of control.

One look at the backseat of my car, my unkept room, and my often un-styled hair would probably give it away. And to be honest, I don’t know how to pull it all together. I don’t know how to make it balance. And it’s starting to wear on me.

Every night I fall asleep exhausted and yet feeling like I accomplished nothing. I get to work and of course, there is no organization unless I create it for myself. Too many things happening that I do not have a grasp on. Too many things to be done that I barely understand. All the while, I am training other people on what I am still figuring out how to do.

Sometimes I could just cry. Other times I could scream. Often times, I do both. But I’m not sure how much it helps.

Crying and screaming make me feel a little better, but then things are still a mess.  My car still needs to be cleaned, my room needs help, and my job isn’t slowing down anytime soon.

Is it wishful thinking to have all of this under control? Is it unrealistic to just want a break from it all? To stop everything and just breathe, and get things in my life back in order? Or do I need to learn how to balance it and push through? Maybe I am just getting a lesson in time management and priorities. Because I’m sure it doesn’t get any easier when you add a husband, a few kids, bills, etc.

Some days are better than others. I guess today is just not one of those days.

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5 thoughts on “Out of Control

  1. I so get this, Bethany. Except for the job slowing down part…mine’s pretty slow these days. 🙂 I don’t have any answers, but just know you’re not alone.

  2. I think it all comes back to our choice…now yes i know we usually dont choose to have an out of control life…but what we do with it…now of course you will still have those out of control days…but choose what you want to conquer first…that is the best way i could do things…even if it wasn’t apart of my chaos…man it made me realize i always have the choice…this is good bethany..i sit in your boat i think daily…love you tons!

  3. My dear cousin…. reading this is as though I wrote it at this time in my life… except the part about adding a husband, kids, bills……….. just breathe and learn to say “no” and learn to give up things you feel you SHOULD do and try to work on those things you WANT to do without guilt. love you ginny

  4. Make a deal with yourself and tackle one thing at a time. Start to organize one area and organize it well and then move on to something else. Don’t just do a little here and a little there because it will easily come undone!

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